A Raccoon Fragged My Car
A raccoon broke my car… I was like, going down the road on US-51, just chillin’, listening to some Ying Yang Twinz, bwah bwah bwah… and then out of nowhere, there’s a killer coon, probably all hopped up on PCP.
So it’s running out from the median, so I bob and weave, and swerve, but I can’t shake it, it was locked on! It was DefCoon level 2 all up in my hizzy. So boom, I hit it, well it went under the car, and it jumped at precisely the right moment to smash it’s insurgent body into my radiator… I swear I heard it scream “JIHAD!” as it’s life was removed from it’s body. I wonder if it was surprised to find no raccoon virgins waiting for it in raccoon hell.
I didn’t know at the time that the terrorists had won, as I thought I had simply killed a raccoon. Then, 5 miles later, the damage was revealed as my car let me know it was out of coolant. So I pulled over to Sonic, to see if it was simply a broken tube or what, but alas, my radiator was bent to hell. Looks like about $1500 worth of damage. So I had my car towed back to Tulsa, and took care of everything else this morning, so it’s all good.
